56 Years ago

Roshitoh Mustafa.
Born 8 March 1956.
Died 12 January 2012.(Thursday)
She left us 56 days ago before her 56th Birthday(Thursday)
Al Fatihah

Ramadan in Hospital

Many things happened since my last posting.
Too many to list down here.
Today is my 9th day of breaking the fast in a hospital,HUKM.
Alhamdullilah i am in the best of health as i normally am,in the month of Ramadan.
My other half is a bit down and was admitted on the first day of Ramadan.
Her new chemo regimentation, which started two weeks before Ramadan took it's toll and she needed blood transfusion
and her fever was on and off. To top it all,her throat was sore, and she could not even swallow drops of water.
Today ,she is a bit better and can manage to eat bits of food with ease.
Anyway,she is very restless and wanted to go home.
The doctors at the Oncology Ward,is holding her for another day or two,just to be sure that her blood is ok..

I did not enquire much in details as to the medical specifications of her current ailment.
As to my understanding,the cancer is affecting her bone marrow, or something to do with her blood getting lower every 2-3 months.
Henced the Oncologist, has prescribed 18 cycles of chemotheraphy,with one every week.
She managed two cycles only.
Not sure whether the balance will be carried out..they are still thinking..hopefully.
I leave it to them to do the thinking besides leaving it to the will of Allah Taala.
I can only pray.

A Doctor in the making

Early this morning, or rather past midnight, my daughter called from Leicester
with the good news that she has passed her 4th year exams and will proceed to her final year.We have been praying hard for this and Alhamdulillah it is now a reality.

There was never a moment that i have doubted her capabilities and i have always known that she will do well.

I am just putting on record here my feeling of gratitude and appreciation of her great efforts in achieving her aim to become a doctor.

I pray and hope that by next year, she will graduate and do her bit for mankind.

So we will wait another year till we can call her Dr Azhreen Fuad.

Reaching 55

Today, 8th March my wife turns 55.
Happy Birthday Tah.
Since the pensionable age has been extended to 58, she is still working.
Since she is a Govt servant, she does not have the occasion and excitement of drawing out her EPF.
Since past midnight last night our children has called her on the phone with a few unanswered, since she was asleep by then.
My daughter in Leicester was wise enough to call her this morning with her wishes. Anyway, she calls home every day.

There is no plans today for a family celebration, maybe this weekend when everybody is home.
However i have taken the day off and so has she, just to remember the day.
We might just go out for lunch.
In a way, spending one's birthday quietly seems a splendid way to look back at the years that has gone by.

Wow, 55 years, and it seems like yesterday.

So Many Thoughts

Age of Innocence when i had 'No Thoughts' and Present Age when there are 'So Many Thoughts"





Assalamualaikum Warahmatullah Hiwabarakatuh.

Since my last posting at the beginning of the year,
so many thoughts have passed my mind.
To claim that i have been busy, might be an understatement.
After my blessed Hajj, i am still trying to live the life of a Hajj recipient.
As i had thought earlier, it is not easy to be one, being a Hajj that is.

Performing the Hajj was a breeze for me and i enjoyed every minute of it.
I promised that i will write about it, but for the want of not being 'takbur' i decided not to.
There were many moments and incidents that would be a great story to tell, but i decided to keep it to myself and occasionally 'cerita' bits and pieces to a few friends.

The story of how i was given a unique Wheel chair(Made in India) in Kaabah itself is a good one.
Maybe i will tell it later in my future postings.
The story of my last day at Mina after the last stoning is also a worthwhile 'cerita'.
My walking in the rain in a makeshift rain coat in Makkah a day before Wukuf is also another story.

On looking back, there can be many interpretations as to why it all happened.

Even my doa at Arafah is also another 'cerita'because i was too shy to ask for anything more because, in my opinion i have been given more than enough thus far,which does not commensurate with the deeds that i have done.
My doa was just to say 'Thank you' to Allah Taala with a bits of doa for HIM to grant me anything that He wishes to give, because obviously, HE knows what is in my heart.

Hence my after Hajj has been filled with 'So Many Thoughts'.

Since tomorrow is First Syawal, and having completed 30 days of fasting during Ramadan, i think it is appropriate that i update this blog of mine,so that i can wish the few friends of mine who must have been wondering why i have been dormant for more than 8 months.
As a reminder Raya Haji will be on 17th November 2010.
Maybe i might be inspired to pen my Thoughts as the first anniversary of my Hajj approaches.

Suffice that my wish for everyone is that Allah Taala will grant us another chance to fulfill Ramadan a year from now and that our 30 days of Ramadan will be accepted by HIM.
InsyaAllah.

2355 hrs 9th Sept 2010.

Future Thoughts

It's been more than a week since i came back from my journey to the Holy Land and spending much of my time at the two Holy Mosque.
My 40 days was spent on performing the compulsary prayers with small doses of solat sunat.
Come to think of it, i have never prayed so much in the mosque in my life and spending so much time in the mosque.
I am sorry that i am not able to tell stories of strange encounters or interesting stories because i did not encounter extraordinary things whilst i was there and i was also not subjected to any challenges.
I too, on the other hand, had mentally prepared myself for any outcome and to just let it be...whatever the circumstances might be.
So i truly enjoyed the happenings there and observing the many colourful characters and behaviours of Muslims from all over the world.
I came back with a negative opinion though, and my answer on why Muslims cannot unite was exhibited in front of me.
I realised that there are so many types of Muslims that sometimes i wonder, whether they are truly Muslims.
But as i compare the millions there and the millions here, i am of the opinion that the worries of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him), is truly valid to this day. His umat is his most worrying point and he was thinking about them even on his last moment.
I term some of them as Idiots of the highest order.

I am back home, happy that i am not one of the many other umat Nabi out there..
I did not push anybody, i did not spit here and there, i did not throw rubbish all over, i did not jump over anybody's head..and the best part is that i am ever gratefull that i am not like some of them,
That to me is my lesson learnt whilst i was there...Thank God, that i am of a different kind of umat, who is more gentle and accomodating.
I am happy that i did not over eat and i did not waste food.
I am happy that i drank Zam Zam water to the maximum, one cup on the way in the mosque at every waktu and 3 cups on my way out...such so that by the time i got back to the hotel for makan, i was already full.
I am a healthy 86 kg as compared to 95 kg before.
I am happy that i did not have any other ailments except the compulsary Hajj cough.
I am happy that i could cycle 55.5 km yesterday, a week after i came back...
I am happy that i was not subjected to any challenges and was blessed with the best of health.
I am happy that i did not asked or berdoa for many things, but went there to show my appreciations that i am blessed to have been given the opportunity to perform my Hajj.
At Arafah, where we were told that, that was the best place to berdoa, or ask Allah Taala, i am happy to say that i did not do the obvious but only thank him for what he has given and only asked for forgiveness and to ensure that my Iman is always on the straight path, besides asking for the well being of my family.
I was too shy to ask for many more because i believe i am not fit to only ask but not doing enough...in terms of being a good Muslim.

I did not asked for specific richness or whatever, much to the dissapointment of my wife who handed me a piece of paper with a few request, before i started my doa.
I think she agreed with me after what i said in my doa and it did shed real tears, because i was saying it out from my heart.

My future thoughts is what happens next.
What will my future be?
The mabrur of the hajj is what happens to you after and not what happens whilst you were there.
Allah Taala is great and my doa now is for him to spare me unsolvable challenges...keep my Iman intact and keep my family safe.
It is easy to perform the Hajj, but it is harder to be a true Haji.

No Other Thoughts

Other than the customary Hajj cough, i am A OK and ready to take on the world.
Touched down at 0100 hrs at KLIA on Boxing Day 2009.

To me my Hajj has been most fulfilling and there was never a moment that i had any second thoughts or other thoughts about being there.

The only thought that came through was that i should have made the pilgrimage earlier.

The best memories i have is of Arafah and Mina and the smell of fresh burning firewoods lingering in the air throughout, that was used for cooking because the Saudis banned the use of gas for cooking, because of past fire experience due to the use of gas!!!
The rains before Wukuf truly was a blessing that cleanse the air...
That was indeed a true blessing.

Will gather my thoughts in small doses and will try and jot down some interesting moments.