A year after last Ramadan(Delayed)

I just managed to finally open my blog. Ramadan 2020.

Now I'm trying how to edit and post my posting.
This posting was written after my wife passed away in early 2012.
It's outdated.But that's how I felt then.
I did not finish what I wanted to write.

 For obvious reason, I have been dormant here on my blog.
It's coming to a year now.
It is more than six months since my better half left me on Jan 12.
My last posting was on her supposed to be 56th birthday.

 Obviously my life have changed sinced she passed away. I am still trying very hard to adjust. There are too many things that I wanted to record on my blog, but I just could not get the mood to do it.
Today after a week of fasting, and after more than a week of jet lag, my two weeks trip to UK for my docdoter's graduation at Leicester...I somehow got the mood to scribble this.
 I am sure the few friends that I have,that reads my Musings, will be happy to see me getting back on line. I have scribbled a bit on Facebook , but it is not the same as in a blog.
 I have faded away from my last employment, and I have not set foot to the office since Sept last year.
 I believed they have terminated my service, of which I have no regrets. There were a few unhealthy developments, and I decided that I do not want to be in cohorts with the few Idiots that wanted to get my skin. I pity the Association, that I had served for more than a decade, to have these kind of Idiots in the midst. Maybe it is fated that it is such and these low down Idiots , do not have the moral standing to realize that they are so . I liken it to the present political scenario in the country. I was advised to defend myself, even getting legal advise, but I decided otherwise, because, to me it is very idiotic if I entertain these idiots. The mere mention of their names makes me puke...their conduct do not befit the training that they received at my Alma mater.
So I just fade away, much to their expectation.
Anyway, I am allergic to Idiots and Fools.
 Being unemployed gave me much time to ponder, and less money to spend. But I am none the worst.
 Alhamdullilah with all the happenings, my health is in the best that can be, and I have found new friends in my time of needs.
My cycling buddies in the Putrajaya Urban Riders or PURs,have kept me on the saddle. My neighbors in Presint 16, especially my Surau friends have given me much spiritual lifts, especially my two young Imams, who phoned me when they see me being absent from the Surau. I am indebted forever to them, during my late wife's demise, where they conducted all the rituals without troubling me....I was beside her body all the time till she was buried. The 7 days Tahlil session was conducted at the Surau.

Well I managed to scribble till that.
Now on 15May 2020, I managed to sign in...whilst waiting for Fajar prayers.
It's been a long long time.

My 3rd trip and longest stay in UK

I am back in London for the third time since my wife passed away in Jan last year.
Arrived here on the 24th March, evening.
I was here in July last year for about 15 days for my docdoter convocation in Liecester, together with my eldestbdoter and secondson.
I came again and stayed for two months in late Sept to Nov 2012 to see my youngestdoter who arrived in late August to do her ACCA in Birmingham. She will finish off in June and I hope to go back together with her.God willing.

This time around will be my longest stay..3 months at least .

I hope I can survive and my finances will hold....

A year has gone by...

Last Saturday 12 Jan 2013 marks a year in passing
of my beloved wife Hajjah Roshitoh binti Mustafa.
She left us on a Thursday morning at about 0740 hrs.
All my children less the fourth girl Azhreen was in Leicester, when she breathe her last breath.
Azhreen arrived back the next morning.
My son Azhran was feeding her sips of water till the last moment.
We knew that she was leaving us and she too knew it.
She was telling us on what to expect next, even when she would not be able to say anything.
I remember every moment of her last days and i was lucky i was around beside her.
My children too, dotted on her with the utmost devotions and my eldest girl Aerianee did the final bath on her together with the youngest Aereena.
She had been dutifully doing that when Tah did not have the energy to do it in her dying days. Well, Nanee is truly blessed because she had that opportunity.

We laid her to rest at Presint 20 Cemetery after Zohor prayers at Mesjid Putra.
I was lucky because i managed to organise a complete 7 nights Tahlil at my surau and the 100 days too.
At random in the year i did organise a few Tahlil for her, because she did request me to do it for her when she is gone.
Last Friday night 11 Jan 2013, i managed to organise a Tahlil for her and about 90 friends and family attended.
As i promised her, i will keep on organising a Tahlil in future as and when it is convenient.

Loosing a wife is not an easy matter.
Living without her too is not easy.
She took care of me for more than 30 over years.
I knew her since i was in Primary One and have set my eyes ever since then.
There is no way i can overcome all the memories of her...she was and will always be a part of me.
Now after every prayers without fail i will doa for her.
At every moment i keep on thinking of her.
Yes, many will say that Life has to move on...
Well...it is easier said than done......
Now i have my children to look forward too....
i know that they too have not overcome their grief.....
In my prayers, i pray that Allah Taala knows what is best for my future.
I know that i am being tested....I am just a humble servant..
What choice do i have...i just have to live with it...
My life is too short to object the challenges.....
When my wife was around...nothing bothers me.....she was always there...
Now....i can only hope and pray that i can cope up with the future...

56 Years ago

Roshitoh Mustafa.
Born 8 March 1956.
Died 12 January 2012.(Thursday)
She left us 56 days ago before her 56th Birthday(Thursday)
Al Fatihah

Ramadan in Hospital

Many things happened since my last posting.
Too many to list down here.
Today is my 9th day of breaking the fast in a hospital,HUKM.
Alhamdullilah i am in the best of health as i normally am,in the month of Ramadan.
My other half is a bit down and was admitted on the first day of Ramadan.
Her new chemo regimentation, which started two weeks before Ramadan took it's toll and she needed blood transfusion
and her fever was on and off. To top it all,her throat was sore, and she could not even swallow drops of water.
Today ,she is a bit better and can manage to eat bits of food with ease.
Anyway,she is very restless and wanted to go home.
The doctors at the Oncology Ward,is holding her for another day or two,just to be sure that her blood is ok..

I did not enquire much in details as to the medical specifications of her current ailment.
As to my understanding,the cancer is affecting her bone marrow, or something to do with her blood getting lower every 2-3 months.
Henced the Oncologist, has prescribed 18 cycles of chemotheraphy,with one every week.
She managed two cycles only.
Not sure whether the balance will be carried out..they are still thinking..hopefully.
I leave it to them to do the thinking besides leaving it to the will of Allah Taala.
I can only pray.

A Doctor in the making

Early this morning, or rather past midnight, my daughter called from Leicester
with the good news that she has passed her 4th year exams and will proceed to her final year.We have been praying hard for this and Alhamdulillah it is now a reality.

There was never a moment that i have doubted her capabilities and i have always known that she will do well.

I am just putting on record here my feeling of gratitude and appreciation of her great efforts in achieving her aim to become a doctor.

I pray and hope that by next year, she will graduate and do her bit for mankind.

So we will wait another year till we can call her Dr Azhreen Fuad.

Reaching 55

Today, 8th March my wife turns 55.
Happy Birthday Tah.
Since the pensionable age has been extended to 58, she is still working.
Since she is a Govt servant, she does not have the occasion and excitement of drawing out her EPF.
Since past midnight last night our children has called her on the phone with a few unanswered, since she was asleep by then.
My daughter in Leicester was wise enough to call her this morning with her wishes. Anyway, she calls home every day.

There is no plans today for a family celebration, maybe this weekend when everybody is home.
However i have taken the day off and so has she, just to remember the day.
We might just go out for lunch.
In a way, spending one's birthday quietly seems a splendid way to look back at the years that has gone by.

Wow, 55 years, and it seems like yesterday.